Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas
🕑 2 minute read || Updated August 26, 2024 || by Daniel Norther
1 / 10
It would get 0/10 if not for Belle’s nice little story song.
Wikipedia says, “The film sold 7.6 million VHS tapes in 1997.”
That’s a tragedy. Those poor kids who opened up those VHS tapes thinking they’d hit the jackpot, only to receive a degenerate cash-grab that makes a mockery of our beloved characters.
Belle is too beautiful for this!
When something is so broken, you can’t fix it. You have to throw it out and rewrite it completely. Let nothing carry over.
Here are some of the problems:
The villain is an ugly 3D-animated 1990s abomination.
The villain’s henchman is way too stupid.
Belle has severe doubts about Beast’s character, far worse than in the original movie. Then her faith is restored in him too easily.
Beast is extra cruel here, far too much. He’s bipolar in the extreme, and feels nasty.
The 18th century castle has a boiler room? What?!
Fun fact, in a real old castle like that, they would take stones heated at the fireplace and put those hot stones at the foot of their beds to warm their feet. Sounds horrible.
In this stupid movie, we are supposed to believe that the enchantress who cursed Beast showed up at his doorstep on Christmas, and ruined his life… on Christmas. That’s why he hates Christmas. It’s insane.
Belle almost dies in frigid icy water because she was trying to get a Christmas tree across a frozen river. WHAT?! Then Beast saves her and, thinking she was trying to leave him forever, says that she must stay in the dungeons forever. WHAT?! But then he says he’s sorry, and she forgives him right away. Insanity. Their characters would never be so stupid.
I want to unsee this.
Written without AI
